I'm still grieving. I miss Liam everyday all day. He is in every one of my thoughts. About a week ago, I noticed that I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore, and I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I wasn't feeling that pain, but frightened that I might be forgetting important memories.
I told Eric that we shouldn't think of us moving or growing away from him as time goes on, but moving closer to our eternal reunion. In that sense, I am happy that some of the sharpness is fading on my memories of his death, but at the same time especially now that we are traveling and seeing family and friends, I start to feel like because no one even speaks his name its as if everyone is trying to bury something painful and forget him. We were at a cousins wedding this past weekend and Liam's name was in the "those who could not be with us" page. I started crying. Sometimes it just slams me out of the blue like that when I'm not looking, that being said, I was grateful and touched that my son was included in those names. Someone besides Eric and I saying his name. . . . in print. It felt really good. I know that people probably don't mention him out of respect for Eric, Owen and I for our loss and our pain, and I do appreciate that. I miss you buddy, I love you, I will see you someday.
I miss Liam too. I miss him for you and Eric, I miss him for our family but mostly I miss him for Owen and for what Owen should get to have. It's still hard. I still cry out of nowhere. I hope you know that I will never try to forget him. and I will always talk about him. I love him and you.
ReplyDeleteThe tuxedo onesie is TO DIE FOR! haaa, I love it.
ReplyDeleteYou could've fooled me on the writing, sista- that letter was awesome. Happy belated/FIRST Father's Day to Eric! Hope he had a wonderful day.
Sorry- I meant to post the comment (above) on the wedding post.
ReplyDeleteOn this one, I love your sweet and positive words about Liam (I also love his name.) He will always be a part of your lives, and you don't have to let go- you will always be his Momma. Head up, woman- you have a beautiful family! xoxo
It's natural to grieve and cry...you will never forget Liam, the pain will just hurt less as time goes by. If you ever want to talk or hang out and not talk, I'm here for you (and in just a few months you'll be our neighbor).
ReplyDeleteWe think of Liam everytime we see the side of our fridge :-) His prayer card reminds us of his short journey in life. You and Eric are going to be great parents.