My Jelly Bean, Father's Day, and Wedding Road Trip

We celebrated Father's Day this year in two places, first at home before we left for Maggie and Ian's wedding in Clovis and then at the BBQ after the wedding. I was so stressed out on what to do for Eric I had no idea what would express to him how I felt about being lucky enough to be the Mother of his baby and how incredible a father I think he is. . . . . . so I bought him some much needed casual clothes and framed some pictures for his office and then wrote him a letter in his card, trying to express my feelings. . . . it seems like when I really want to say something, I get writer's block. But he enjoyed it none the less.  In Clovis, Maggie had emailed all of the girls and asked us for pictures of the Dads with their kids, and then she and Ian put together a really moving slide show of all the Dads present, it was really really cool and a lot of hard work for two people planning a wedding and honeymoon!


From the letter, "Whoever would have imagined in their wildest dreams or nightmares that we would bury one son and bring another home all in a short week." To Eric, you are my rock, and at the same time a soft place that I can cuddle into when I need someone stronger, you are the love of my life, my best friend, and a leading example of greatness. I love you.

Father and Son, dressed alike.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Someday, Owen will catch up in size and I won't get the suprise and confusion when I tell people his age, and then have to launch into his whole life story to try and explain why he is "so tiny"! I'm not mad about it, I am proud of him for being such a fighter, I feel like I am bragging when I tell his harrowing story of survival. Everyday he is getting bigger and stronger. His progress is truly astonishing to someone as humbly normal as me. I love to watch him grab at things or process in his mind how he is going to get what he wants. He is so determined. True to his gender, you can read every emotion in split seconds as they dance across his face.  I love it.  I cannot wait until he gets a little more mobile and has even more emotional development. 

On June 19th Ian Adair (Eric's cousin on his Mother's side) married Maggie Peterson.  It was a beautiful Catholic wedding.  Everything was amazing, I was really impressed with all of the details.  It was really nice to get to spend some time with them after the wedding as well.  Here are a few pictures.  You can't see very well, but Owen has on a tuxedo onsie, because "He's formal, but he's here to party."

The Bride and Groom

The Thing is . . . .

I'm still grieving.  I miss Liam everyday all day.  He is in every one of my thoughts.  About a week ago, I noticed that I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore, and I was happy and sad at the same time.  Happy that I wasn't feeling that pain, but frightened that I might be forgetting important memories. 

I told Eric that we shouldn't think of us moving or growing away from him as time goes on, but moving closer to our eternal reunion.  In that sense, I am happy that some of the sharpness is fading on my memories of his death, but at the same time especially now that we are traveling and seeing family and friends, I start to feel like because no one even speaks his name its as if everyone is trying to bury something painful and forget him.  We were at a cousins wedding this past weekend and Liam's name was in the "those who could not be with us" page.  I started crying.  Sometimes it just slams me out of the blue like that when I'm not looking, that being said, I was grateful and touched that my son was included in those names.  Someone besides Eric and I saying his name. . . . in print.  It felt really good.  I know that people probably don't mention him out of respect for Eric, Owen and I for our loss and our pain, and I do appreciate that.  I miss you buddy, I love you, I will see you someday.

The Joys and Woes of Mealtime, Teething, and Pink Eye

Lately we have been having some difficulty again with Owen's eating.  Starting with the last day of our trip out in California a week and a half ago and continuing until this weekend he almost stopped eating all together. . . . well I guess that is an exaggeration:-)  But he did continue to eat less and less (although his night time sleep was not being inturrupted)  One thing that I knew was bothering him was the continuation and escalation of teething. . . . I think he is getting much closer to cutting those first two teeth up front, and I think it has been uncomfortable to eat (poor baby).  And then when I talked to his therapist at his visit, she also mentioned that the way babies tongues work during sucking changes between six and nine months (the things you learn), and that he may be transistioning and it is probably frustrating to him as he learns again how to use his tongue.  So for about a week we pulled him off his solids to focus again on getting enough milk and the last two days we have slipped nicely back into our schedule, and tonight we tried cereal again and to our delight he loved it and remembered what to do:-)  Time for mom to break out the Babycook and get crackin!

As to the teething, my cousin Tara reccomended some tablets that really work for him, and he has been really enjoying his "Sophie" in addition to his "Bugs in a Jar" and cool teething rings. . . . it is bittersweet for me.  I want the teeth to come for the excitement and also to relieve his discomfort, but then my gummy baby smile will be gone forever. . .

And my poor baby woke up from his late afternoon nap on Saturday with pink eye:-(  Poor baby was really uncomfortable.  Luckily we recognized it right away . . . . he woke up from his nap and his right eye was bloodshot with tons of boogers, so we called our pediatricians office and since he was over 4 months old the called the drops in and we didn't have to go to the hospital . . . . . they and we try to avoid that at all costs because of his immune system, and after the first round of drops he was much better. So he will be on the drops until Friday.

Kiera Shannon's Baptism

We recently had the honor of being asked to be Godparents to Kiera Shannon Yerton (Nick and Tory Yerton's daughter).  Being a Godparent is such a serious responsibility, and we are thrilled to be in that roll for Kiera, I hope she is able to get the same fullfillment from her faith as Eric and I have in our own. 

We drove out to L.A. for the event where she was baptized in the same church that Nick and Tory were married in.  It was such a beautiful ceremony and you would have thought it was a wedding with as many friends and family that came to the service. . . I love it.  Here are a few pics of the day.

Pictures of the first cereal

A Lot of Firsts

Whew, where does the time go!  Well we successfully pulled off one of the best suprises ever:-)  Last weekend we drove from Phoenix up to the bay area over the course of two days (our first road trip) to attend my mom's suprise retirement party.  It was very hard to keep a secret, but totally worth it to see the shock on her face when she walked in the door and saw all of her friends and her whole family including her own brothers!  It was a lot of fun.  My father got to hold Owen for the first time, which was really great to see, and also to be able to let others hold him (like a *real* baby)(tongue in cheek)  It is just so nice to be able to be a lot less on edge about his health now that we are out of flu and RSV season and Owen is THRIVING.  Both on the way out to my parents and on our way home, we were also able to spend some time with Eric's family which was really fun too.  Owen had never met his cousins Carter and Emma and it was fun to do the first of *many* photo shoots among the three of them. 

Owen did amazing on the trip.  Shortly before we headed out to California, his eating had been deteriorating to less than 3 ounces each time coupled with lots of distress and crying:-(  Then two days before we left, he woke up a lot more congested than normal.  So we took him into the doctor to ensure that he wasn't becoming ill, and also to talk again about his reflux.  Our doctor decided to switch up his medication to a different acid blocker and assured us that he was well, just a little normal baby congestion.  Well within 24 hours of the new medication, Owen's meals were a total turn around.  Instead of eating 2 or 3 ounces at a time he was consistently eating 5 ounces and sometimes wanting more.  He still has some disorganization during eating so we try to eat in a quiet location with dim lighting and no distractions which helps (he also likes me to sing . . . his favorites are Amazing Grace, anything from The Sound of Music, Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman, The Star Spangled Banner and Taps:-))  It is so awesome to have him not be in pain while he is eating! 

Back to the trip.  He did awesome in the car, sleeping and playing on his own the whole time, minus very minimal stops for eating and stretching.  His schedule really didn't hit any hiccups at all as far as nighttime sleep only one night did he wake at 4 instead of his normal 8 or 8:30.  Naps during the day were pretty much a loss, since we had so many relatives to see it was just too exciting!  Lots of little dozes instead of real naps!  By the end of the trip, he was more "fussy" than normal (I hate that word), but I was really impressed. 

When we came back to Arizona we had our first feeding therapy in two weeks, and our therapist was so impressed with how well Owen was doing she suggested that we could try some solids since his feeding problem was resolved as being a result of pain and not a neurological disability. 

So two nights ago we had our first solid meal!  Rice cereal, Owen did great.  Very interested and accepting of the spoon.  I am hopeful that this will continue to be a positive experience for us both!

All the Ze Cousins

Grandpa, Dad and Owen

 Grandma and Owen

The Damko Cousins

Carter, Owen and Emma

Emma and Owen